The Broken Self - When Abuse Comes from Within & Destroys Relationships

The hardest part of healing isn’t always the rejection from the outside world — it’s the voice that lives inside, repeating the messages we’ve absorbed over time.

The cruel words from childhood, the shame of hiding, the fear of being “too much” — they don’t always leave when we come out. Sometimes they become an inner critic, one that keeps us from feeling safe even within ourselves.

This is abuse from within.

The Internalized Wound of Rejection

Before we could even name our identities, many of us learned what parts of ourselves weren’t “acceptable.” Those early messages — from family, religion, media, peers, or society — can take root deep inside.

Even after years of growth, they can show up as:

-        constant self-criticism

-        negative self-talk

-        fear of being unlovable

-        sabotaging relationships

-        feeling undeserving of joy or success

This is internalized oppression — the subtle way we continue the harm that others started.

How the Inner Wound Affects Relationships

When the inner voice says, “I’m not enough,” relationships can feel fragile. You may:

-        chase approval but struggle to receive or feel loved

-        stay in painful or destructive dynamics because they are familiar

-        fear abandonment so deeply that you never feel secure

-        pull away or sabotage relationships the moment things get too real

The same defense mechanisms that once protected you from external rejection can start to block intimacy and trust.

Healing begins when you learn to recognize these patterns not as broken parts of yourself, but as survival strategies of your wounded self. This mislead belief that they are keeping you safe from pain, rejection, and abandonment, when truly they are blocking you from deep connection, shared joy, and lasting love.

Relearning Love from the Inside Out

To heal the broken self, we begin to see self-love as something that grows within us — not something we must earn from others.

This means:

-        speaking to yourself with compassion rather than criticism

-        acknowledging that your pain is valid and not a personal flaw

-        allowing yourself to receive love without conditions

-        learning that vulnerability is strength, not danger

As you do, relationships begin to shift — not because others change, but because your inner foundation grows steadier.

You Were Wounded — You Are Not Broken

Wounds can heal. Every time you choose to listen to your self with compassion and acceptance instead of the voice of past pain and self-blame, you repair a piece of your inner world.

Healing the abuse within doesn’t mean erasing your past — it means reclaiming your future.

You are worthy of love, peace, and belonging — starting with your own.

The Role of Affirming Counseling

Affirming counseling can help you untangle the internalized messages that feed self-hate and self-doubt. With a supportive counselor, you can:

-        explore where those inner voices came from

-        learn grounding tools to manage shame and anxiety

-        rebuild a sense of self-worth independent of others’ approval

-        develop healthier, more authentic relationships

Counseling offers a safe space to face the parts of you that feel broken — and begin to show them kindness and compassion.

If you’re struggling with self-criticism, shame, or painful relationship patterns, LGBTQ+-affirming counseling can help you rebuild trust and reconnect with your self-worth. Healing begins when you turn your compassion inward and begin to love yourself.